It has been seven years since Ravit Rose’s very bitter divorce. Prior to that occurring she had envisioned a successful career building her business dreams and actively making a contribution to her community. A Bachelor of Commerce degree specializing in Marketing and Entrepreneurship & Small Business Management, along with a Human Resources Certificate, seemed to have been pointing her in the right direction.
The mother of two young children, Rose found the divorce battle so difficult to handle that it thwarted her attempts to work and in fact live a normal life. At one point, as a form of therapy, she began to write. The end result is a new book published recently, appropriately called Unwanted Nasty Divorces. It is a great piece of work and for Rose hopefully sets the stage for a new career as a speaker, advocate, seminar coordinator, consultant and media spokesperson,
“I didn’t realize how ugly divorce could be,” Rose writes. “I believed in the justice system. I trusted lawyers blindly. I was naïve.”
In another section Rose writes: “Going to divorce court is for wealthy people who have money to throw away and for people who want debt and who want to be vampires by sucking the life blood from their opponents.”
Rose has launched her own website (www.ravitrose.com) and YouTube channel. She hails from Côte Saint-Luc and now resides in Hudson.
The three years Rose spent writing her book became a mission and took her to discoveries she had not expected - to common issues that affect parents around the world, regardless of the varied laws in their respective justice system. Her book speaks of the Quebec Justice System as a means of comparison for her readers around the world. With the help of hundreds of other divorced parents’ stories (the majority of which were mothers), she turned her book into one big voice. She pulls no punches here at all. Her ultimate goal is to ignite conversations about needless suffering families face because of inconsistencies in the family justice system and how these flaws are failing families far and wide to make way for monumental change.
“There is a reason why people cringe at the word ‘divorce,’” Rose emphasizes in the press release promoting her book. “They wonder silently if you’re going to be ok. It’s a scary life event. They ask reluctantly if there is anything they can do to help. Yet, they can’t. The reasons go far beyond families torn apart. Rarely does anyone know the ugly truth about how and why a divorce can easily go down a dysfunctional path; when suddenly they are faced with a series of new and unexpected life altering situations that they never imagined; and how their children will be affected by their nasty divorce no matter how hard they try to shelter them. Yet, they still suffer. How they thought their divorce would involve finding solutions for the best interest of their children. And then find out that it’s not about the children- but, about a bloody fight over ego, power and money. How their marital problems were insignificant compared to the divorce sagas that will involve endless battles and wars with no end in sight; because the justice system keeps this door wide open. The true victims are the children unless people start divorcing the right way.”
Based on research, Rose feels she can properly advise people on matters such as family mediation and collaborative law, the two options to a more reasonable dispute resolution. These are options, she says, that gives them back the control over decision making.
With the Quebec government’s change in the Civil Code of procedure on January 1 2016, which could or possibly will not protect the actual victims, the author expects to shake up the current state of family law justice system and aim to force them to protect the parents and their children more than the litigation attorneys. “If the governments don’t act soon, they will have to bear the financial burden as many will be bankrupt, on welfare or social services as they cannot possibly save for their retirement,” she said.
In the book Rose does not identify her children by name. Ditto for her ex-husband. But she elaborated for me on what a bitter divorce she suffered. “Yes, it was and continues to be bitter,” she noted. “But, there is always worse out there. I have heard horror stories out there that trump mine. The reason it is bitter is because our justice system keeps a door wide open for people to fight their personal vendettas in court. It costs the government $10,000 to $15,000 per case per court day. They are spending millions of dollars yearly on judges and other employees to have a case heard. Yet, the problems are perpetuating to no end in sight. Even with the new Civil Code of procedure, I have heard that the lawyers are still finding loopholes.”
I asked if she still communicates with her ex-husband and whether he has read the book. “Sometimes,” she said about the communicating part. “Normally though, I only communicate about the children. He knows about the book. I don't know if he has read it.”
After losing her business in 2015, Rose says she went through a very hard time. It prompted her to go back to her manuscript to write. She showed it to a friend hers, broadcaster Murray Sherriffs. He saw the potential of helping so many people and encouraged her to publish it. “I wasn't planning to go that route as I had never written a book- the most I had written were business and marketing plans in university,” she said. “Unexpectedly, I found my passion and my raison d'être.”
Rose held a book signing recently at Chapter’s in Pointe Claire. The actual launch was at Wunderbar where Sherriffs (whom we all miss on Montreal radio) served as the emcee.
So is Rose’s new vocation a divorce expert? “I would like it to be,” she said. “This is my ultimate dream- to help other parents going through this nasty journey and empowering them with the tools and education no one provides to them. Yet, financial reality has kicked in where I must find a part-time job until the book, the cause and my mission start to kick in full force.”
The book is selling well. “The people I meet are eager to buy it and read it,” she says. “I have beautiful testimonies from my readers on how much I have helped them. However, my biggest challenge is reaching out to the mass. I know this book will fly off the shelves. I will be approaching TV and radio with my take on how the new federal child credits are not helping the root problem: divorces. We are a society that is becoming more and more broke and the government bailing us out, although being extremely helpful and appreciated, does not cure the disease. It is merely a band-aid solution to a much larger problem on its way when families will be claiming bankruptcy and will end up being on welfare. Very few can afford these astronomical legal bills along with the emotional traumas that are associated with it."
You can purchase the book at Chapters and Indigo. It is also available on Amazon and Kindle. Workshops and webinars are in the works on topics such as Understanding the cold, hard facts as to why you married your ex so that you do not repeat the same errors again; how to co-parent, co-exist, co-mmunicate and live in harmony with your ex; helping your children; how the legal system works for divorce; your finances; and blended families.
You can learn more about the book at www.UnwantedNastyDivorces.com.