Suddenly, I’m here. I’m born from this mother and father. Sister to these siblings. Cousin to these relatives. I live at this home and go to this school. I play with Gloria, Beverly, Ellen, and Jodi. Then, I hang out with Alissa, Gayle, Heidi and Sally.
I grow up and meet many other wonderful people, have interesting experiences and meet my life partner. We create new people who are the daughter and sons of ours. They are siblings to each other. Cousins to other relatives. They live in this home and go to that school. They have their own friends and will grow up to meet many other people and have interesting experiences. Then, they meet their life partners.
How does it just happen?
In between all the above sentences are years of hard work, struggles, life lessons, some horrible, some wonderful, and some wild life. There are never ending days and nights. Weeks and years just fly by. Some with order and some with disorder. All with some sensational and all with some deplorable hours. The pain and love of apartness and also the loving times blended together.
It’s a crazy ride… this life.
At times, I try to make sense of it. Then I remind myself not to make any sense of it. The ying yang of life will naturally go from normal to crazy and from crazy to normal – if you let it be.
The question, “How did I get here and where am I going?” is always a present thought. Is this random, chance, or prescribed? Is my tale already set in stone and I’m simply following along a controlled path? Does someone or something have the game controls of my life? I wonder.
Meeting people along life’s highway is also questionable. If I went to a different school I would have not met Gloria, Beverly or Alissa. If I lived in a different place I might not have met my life partner. Then our creations of people would not have occurred. Or would it? So many questions require solutions.
How much is already predetermined or prescribed?
I try to control parts of my life. However, the truth is, so much of it is completely out of our control. You make plans to do this and that and go here and there, and suddenly life gets in the way. The randomness and uniqueness controls our true destiny. I think?
Taking this one more step closer to un-realness, how’s about the passage of time? Most of my time is fleeting. It don’t know why this is so. It’s noon and suddenly it is 4 pm. The passage of those 4 hours doesn’t add up. It’s Monday and then without much notice it is Friday. The seasons roll like that and the years too. I’m very aware of this quick passage of time. Although, when I was younger, I felt the passage of time was much slower. Sitting in a classroom watching the clock hands finally reach 3:15 p.m., was endless. However, the run out of school into the park with my friends was fleeting. All that time was magical, up until my Mother’s call-in for dinner.
The after school hours playing in the snow, building forts with frozen hair in completely wet, cold clothing was exhilarating. Then…unknown to me was the randomness, timelessness, and meaningless of it all.
Yet, how we get from here to there and what formulates meaning is what’s precious and so often taken for granted. It’s only when we are faced with lifelessness and finality, do we appreciate the crazy journey, the random ride and the beautiful people we’ve met along this path.
So…may I take this moment in your time, to infuse an opportunity for reflection, of where you came from and where you are going? To focus on the future with and without controls. The fleeting moments of time which you would like to encapsulate and derive more meaning from.
The reflection of the random people you have met along your life’s road. The precious moments shared with friends, cousins, children, and life partners. The building blocks you used when creating child hood forts and now in your permanent shelters.
Now appreciate life being crazy on this roller coaster ride through time and space.
Pause for this gratitude. Put down your devices and shields. Enjoy and…
Breathe to be and be to breathe.
—Suzanne Reisler Litwin